This Sanskrit couplet of poetic verse (sholaka) originating from ancient aphorism and found in Chanakya Niti and Hitopodesh could not be more precise as a definition of a friend. One who stands by us during festivities, in times of bad days or travails, political upheavals, legal crises and at death of a dear one is a true friend. While 'a friend in need is a friend indeed' just focuses on the usefulness of a friend, it is no more than partial. A steadfast friend plays a very important role even when it is a celebration of a happy and joyous occasion. A bosom friend participates in every occasion irrespective of good or bad. Friendship thrives not just through trial and tribulation, it does so on the bonhomie cemented during the happy moments shared together.

But is such friendship cultivated these days? In the 40s, 50s or even 60s there was a social trend among teenage boys involving friendship. The chummy relations between playmates could not quite satisfy their yearning for togetherness. It was more like a soul mate they discovered within the friend circle that started expanding. At some point they would foster friendship by introducing each other to their families. An announcement was made to the effect they were 'bandhu' or close friends. Such a social bond received recognition from each other's families and other playmates for the formalisation of the special bond. In plain Bangla it was called 'bandhu patano'.

Well, not all boys felt the need for a 'patano bandhu', yet many teenage boys opted for such a relationship. Life was simple then and girls and women also felt the need for foster parents and it was a healthy tradition of reaching out to families not their own. They became foster parents' darlings and were treated them as their own daughter. But in case of declared friendship between boys, families did not visit each other's place unless there was a celebration. The friends however visited each other's homes quite often. Some of these relations continued throughout their entire life. But not all survived the test of time for various reasons. If one of the friends failed to continue study and the other made it to higher studies, the relations failed to survive because of their separation and standings in life.

However, friendship can break down because of misunderstanding and reaction to a moment of test. One story or fable included in text books for children illustrates this precisely. Two friends confront a bear in woodlands when one ran away and climbed a tree but the other could not follow his friend. He was caught off guard and lay down pretending to be dead. The bear came to him and made an inspection. Satisfied that the boy was dead, the bear went away. When the other boy came to him and asked what the bear said to him, the boy who pretended to be dead answered that the bear told the friend who leaves his friend in danger cannot be trusted.

In a hit song sung by Manna Dey, the paradox inherent in friendship has been precisely highlighted. "Tumi ekjoni shudhu bandhu amar, shotruo tumi ekjon" hints at the enormous expectation from a true friend. At times demands may not be met and this hurts the friend beyond limit. The fact is that notwithstanding the disappointment, the friend cannot leave the one who has failed to meet the demand.

Then comes a very touching moment between a father and his son in Apur Sansar where Kajal, his son, rejects his father because the latter overwhelmed by grief at the death of his wife during childbirth went away. The child was raised by his maternal grandfather. Now the father comes to take responsibility of his son and the wall developed between father and son on account of unfamiliarity cannot initially be overcome. Disappointed, Apurbo leaves his father-in-law's house and just then the boy follows him. When the boy asks him who he was, Apurbo paused to answer because of the emotion welling up in his bosom. Then he mastered to utter the word "Bandhu". That clinched the day for the hero as well as the director of the film Satyajit Ray.

Indeed all relations should be based on friendship, a state of openness of mind free from authority and bias. In this world, human life is brief and yet people become arrogant and at times notorious beyond limit. It is a life that should be simple and ready to cultivate a human bond with all its richness and diversity. If overarching kindness and piety govern life, this world can be a far better place to live in.