“So, what do you do?”
A very simple question, and something we often ask so casually when meeting someone or in a conversation, but have you ever imagined how difficult the answer might be for someone, especially if they are unemployed? The word generates a sense of shame in Bangladeshi society, and the Bengali word sounds infinitely worse; ‘bekar.’
Only those who have experienced this bitter reality realise that the life of a ‘bekar’ is a consistent and unending nightmare.
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Photo: Sazzad Ibne SayedWhatever social class you are from, chances are you know someone unemployed. And there is a similar pattern that is found in most of these people. They stay up late and, as a result, wake up late. Sometimes, they sleep through the day. They either try to avoid going out or are reluctant to come home. They speak very little, have a permanent gloomy expression, and do not socialise very often.
To the casual observer, it does not seem like they are trying very hard. It seems like they are sulking and do not care much for anything other than sleeping as much as possible.
The outside observer could not be more wrong.
“Everywhere you go, it’s the same question over and over again. Some people mean well and are curious. Others are crueller. It feels like they ask the questions to torment you, to shame you. Even if they do not, your mind makes it appear so,” said Rahat Kabir, who has graduated from Dhaka University and is yet to secure a job.
Do you know how difficult it is to carry the burden of expectation, or worse, a responsibility with no means to meet what is asked of you? Imagine a situation where you apply for a new job every week and never get a call. Or whenever you do get shortlisted, you do not make it past the viva board. Your hopes get high only to get crushed, each time a little more than before.
“People say once you hit rock bottom, there’s no way to go but up. It’s easy to say, but going up when you are at that place, that’s a different story,” said K Zaman, who was sharing his experience of being unemployed for about fourteen months.
“There are things that normally would not bother you because you know they do not really matter. But once you are unemployed, your mind goes into this dark place where you start to doubt yourself. Self-reflection is really important during this time, because this is an experience that is really important in a person’s life,” he added.
“My friends were very supportive during this period, but there were times when I was definitely getting reclusive because I was not sure how I would take their remarks. Maybe they meant well, but I was not sure I could trust my own mind not to misinterpret it,” he recalled, stating that praying during that period helped him put things into perspective.
“I never thought of myself as unemployed. But my friends, my family, everyone else around me made sure that I knew I was unemployed. No matter how much I tried, I just could not escape that tag,” said one Mehedi Hasan, who was clearly getting emotional recalling those memories.
It is harder for people who have a family to look after. They are expected to provide financial support, but have no means to meet that demand. Tragic is not the right word for them, as their situation is far more dire.
Everyone needs money, even the unemployed, even the ones without dependents. And every time they have to ask someone else for money, it leaves a scar on their self-image. Slowly but surely, they start to hate themselves with deteriorating mental health.
“Everyone started discussing my situation as if it were a big crime to be unemployed. They started asking my father about my plans. My father was very supportive. Even if he meant well, he would ask me about my plans during dinner. I had no good answers. So, I stopped eating dinner with my family,” shared Mehedi Hasan
And it’s not just dinner. Unemployed people start to experience dismissal, mockery, and contempt from everyone. Even the neighbour who never speaks to you starts to ask you about your plans.
“At first, it’s not a big deal. But then, as time passes, it starts to get to you. You start getting disturbing thoughts like: ‘Will I be dependent on others forever?’ ‘Is this my life?’ And it only gets worse. You end up as a bad example. People start saying things like: Look at him. Even a degree from Dhaka University couldn’t help him,” sighed Rahat.
Getting a job is a struggle in itself. If you add poor mental health and the judgment of society on top of that, you get a severely depressed person who can barely function.
It’s no wonder unemployed people are depressed. The regular rejection makes you doubt your ability, fractures your confidence, and you become less outgoing. The failures distress you, induce a depression that affects your ability to study or self-development, which in turn brings in more failure, and with it comes something more terrible: judgment and condemnation.
K Zaman, who now plays an important role in the media house he works for, tries to find a silver lining in every situation. He said, “Looking back, I believe being unemployed prepared me for the life ahead. It was a much-needed reality check, and I am better for the life lessons that episode taught me.”
That is perhaps true for Zaman and many others. But none of them will disagree on the hardship they had to endure needlessly during that particular phase of life. Perhaps, as a society, we need to show more empathy and support for these struggling members, because nobody wants to be jobless on purpose.
